I've seen lots of fun informational videos on YouTube. Since Cult of the Week is worshiping the fortune cookie this week, I figured we had better get one of our own. There are so many interesting facts about the fortune cookie, we could have kept talking and talking and talking. But, we tried to edit ourselves. So - with a little further ado, here is the Fortune Cookie Facts video, with an extra special Nate & Aaron spin of course.
Welcome back! Nathaniel has received a very strange new fortune. The Fortune Cookie gods, though, have provided a meaning and it may turn out that this fortune is one of our most important yet.
Most of you have probably read the words of this fortune and wrinkled your brow, turned your mouth screwy and squinted your eyes as you attempted to make heads and tails of the words. It seems that its lack of proper grammatical structure has perverted its original meaning, conveying perhaps a message that the originator of this fortune did not intend. You would like me, perhaps, to decipher these confusing words for you.
The problem, however, is that you are starting in the wrong place. The message begins in the numbers and ends in the words.
The Lucky #'s may appear to be just random numbers, that some less-witting individual may attempt to play in the lottery, but are, in fact, significant presagers.
44 - contains the doubled vibrations of the number 4. The number 4 resonates support, stability and the message that you are surrounded by helpful and loving angels. The number 44 doubles this oscillation and strengthens it. It is a message to you, Nathaniel, that you are surrounded by angels and archangels who are there to encourage you and remove your fear. 10 - endows you with extra vitality and intensifies the energies of the 1
vibration. The 10 energy is productive, and has the power of acquisition and attraction. 8 - is a balancer of the material and immaterial worlds. It is spiritual and materialistic. The spiritual side of the 8 is
practical, realistic and intelligent. It knows the difference between
make-believe and genuine spiritual realizations. On the material plane,
it is focused on results, often in the form of money, yet does not care
much about money for the sake of money. 39 - means thank you. You can do so for this translation.
43 - is an indication that the ascended masters and angels are around you. If you seek them, know that they will come to your aid. 66 - asks you to balance your physical, material and spiritual lives. It is a message from the angels that they are there to assist, guide and support you in manifesting your goals, desires and wishes. WOW - knowing these numbers, and how unrandom and purposeful they are has pretty much cleared up this entire fortune. "Watch your relations without other people carefully..." What seemed an odd sentence structure is totally clear. Yes, Nathaniel, you are to watch your relations without other people. Not your humanly relations, your relations with the spiritual that surrounds you: the angels, archangels and ascended masters that are there to guide you. They are they for you, but you must relate to them positively and carefully, as they have great power to disrupt you as well. Your link to the spiritual world is just as strong as your link to the material world, and your especial benefactor, the mysterious "he", is reserving for you this message of spiritual strengthening. From this spiritual strength, you have something very great to do in this physical, human world. This bodes very positively for the direction of the cult. Be alert and relate to other not-people carefully in the coming weeks, as they seek to guide your cult decisions. This can be either positive or negative however, so be careful.
And do not forget the final portion of the fortune, Jiu-Pian, nine pieces. Also, very significant, these nine pieces will manifest themselves soon. Take these pieces as they come and do not hesitate to relate to your surrounding spiritual beings as you do so. Collect them, for they will reveal a message of cultish significance. Submit your fortunes via Facebook, Twitter, or Blog comments. We'll be glad to unravel them for you.
Today Nate and Aaron join forces to present a tutorial on the communion of the fortune cookie. When together with other Cult of the Week adherents, please follow this sacred rite as you partake of the fortunes the cookies bring you.
When you have completed the ritual, share with the Cult community your fortunes - let us encourage each other with words of wisdom and depth.
AND - keep your internet browser plugged into the Cult of the Week for some future news!
Cult of the Week's second cult is Fortune Cookie messages. Let's forsake some of the formalities this week and get straight into it!
Today I received this Fortune Cookie message:
Sounds pretty fantastic, right? But, then I got to thinking. What exactly what is this fortune trying to tell me?
Problem Number 1) This isn't really a real fortune. I mean, it is and it isn't. It seems the important message is actually what the attractive person is going to tell me. And if that person is going to tell me, then what need have I of the fortune? Aren't we simply complicating matters, setting up an unnecessarily elaborate scavenger hunt?
Perhaps I need to seek out this attractive person...
Problem Number 2) This sounds like a great idea. Who wouldn't like to cruise about looking for attractive women and asking them if they "have a message for me." However, who is to say what attractive is? This is a huge impediment to my search:
Do I tell my wife? Yes, I'm married, which reduces the search for a hot
mama to something less exciting than it would be if I weren't so
wonderfully encumbered. But, my marital appendage is not really the
jealous type, so I think she'd not really have much of a problem with
it, though her already suffering opinion of me may suffer serious damage.
Do I include guys? Women are more attractive to me, but there is no denying that there are attractive men out there. (No, there is no creaking closet door in that statement.) So, now I'm cruising for guys and girls??
Is this attractive to me, or is it just generally attractive? I would have to think generally attractive, however, I have heard others say that so-and-so is attractive, and I have disagreed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, what if the person that the fortune cookie god considers attractive is not someone that I would consider attractive?
Attractive how? Physically appealing to the eyes? Attractive in their attributes (i.e. kind, loving, gentle)? Attractive because of their aged wisdom, attractive because they are puppy-cute, attractive because their tremendous mass naturally Gravitationally pulls stronger????
Melanie Safka has this to say:
Now, she was obviously on something that probably wasn't legal when she wrote this, sang this, or perhaps both. But, drug-addledness aside, I think one of her points may be that all people are beautiful, by the very nature of their being people. Which, in any case, is something I feel may be right. Which leads us to a new issue...
Problem Number 3) The conclusion I have come to is basically someone in the world somewhere has a message for me. People are telling me things all the time. Most of these things could be considered messages, even if they aren't very important.
"Your bank statement is ready for viewing on the website."
"Your order will be right up."
"The Super Bowl is on Sunday."
"Your car is leaking gas."
"Your child is leaking urine."
However, seeing that this is an important fortune from the fortune cookie gods, who we are worshiping, I have to think that the message carries some importance, though it doesn't specifically say so. But is this a message I will have to act on... "Seek the egg of the bald eagle in the land of a thousand dreams." Or more of a general message... "I love you, Daddy."
What if the important message was "I love you, Daddy," but some lunatic comes up to me with the second message a day later? I may assume that the second message is real and start my no-doubt fruitless quest in vain...
Problem Number 4) In the end, am I even to do anything at all!!! The fortune doesn't specify if the message is good, bad, dire, indifferent, usual, unusual, actionable, unactionable, foolish or anything. Perhaps the fortune wants to warn me that the message I receive will endanger me, or perhaps it is a message that I should take special note of to follow. How am I to know?
Conclusion I'm just going to use my common sense/acquired wisdom on this one. I'll keep my eye open for a message from an attractive person, no doubt; but I will respond to that message within my discretion, when it is revealed.
Now - it's your turn.
What fortunes have the cookie gods revealed to you? (Is it that you have a message for an attractive person? I'm right here!)
How has your fortune helped you, changed you, made you ponder?
Tweet, Facebook and comment your fortunes. If you need help with their meanings, you've come to the right place. We'll do our inspired best!
Alright, homies and homielitas. We have indeed received word from on high: an unequivocal and certain message. A decision had to be made in order to move Cult of the Week forward, and the floundering of Aaron and Nathaniel has been supplanted by a final decision.
We can tell, though, that a lot of thought and care was put into this decision. We are sorry for those of you eager for more Gravity, but I think we can all agree that leaving our first Cult behind, while difficult, is probably for the best.
So - moving on. Nate and I have been unable to put a lot of thought into our next cult. We've been so focused on Gravity, as well as some additional projects that are in the works, that we haven't had a lot of time to consider the future.
But, that's okay. Cult progression should not be a part of some sort of secret agenda that we have as we seek to manipulate and milk our followers. No, they should be an organic outgrowth of our natural advancement and should mirror our identity as a progressive, important religious presence in our world. When we first received the note concerning the immediate change in cults, we were worried. But the gods of all provided and promptly inspired us as we sat down to some Chinese cuisine.
"When one door closes, another opens," read the message from the gods that inhabited Nathaniel's fortune cookie.
Without a doubt, we were to consume copious amounts of Asian food and get our hands on as many fortune cookies as we possibly could. Their messages would lead us forward. Forget the astrological augurs, as if the stars positions and movements could be interpreted with any sort of reliability by wanna-be psychic hacks.
Therefore, loyal followers of Cult of the Week - Rise from your prone Gravity-worshiping positions, discard your bootleg copies of "Gravity," take up your hunger and go for Chinese. With great reverence, remove your fortunes. Read and follow their directions - post them upon your door, frame them for display within your home, read and reread them. Post them here, tweet them or share on Facebook. Go and proselytize the Cult of Fortune Cookies.
It's been a long time since Cult of the Week has blogged. Inexcusable? Untenable? Rude? Yes, all of the above. I feel somewhat responsible. Okay, I feel mostly responsible. It is my responsibility to update and compose blog posts; to communicate with you, the faithful; to explicate the unknown and clarify great prophecies from our beloved gods. However, my "partner," who for the first time decided to compose his own blog post, has confused our followers and extrapolated the truth in such a way as to make a worship of Gravity based upon the posts I have written and the one he has written, untenable.
Such speculation and dissension can be expected and encouraged in main-line religions - and they are free to splinter into sub-denominations and factions; but that will not work in a cult setting. That is why so many cults are based upon the hearsay of one magnetic, prophetic individual. Splinter cells will either fizzle out or cause the downfall of the entire cult, depending on membership.
Our cult cannot survive such division.
So, yes. I have been procrastinating. I am hoping we can resolve this impasse, but our relationship is strained to the breaking.
I love Gravity, we both do, but there has been some talk. Here are some emails we have received:
"...You guys are hilarious. This cult thing is funny too. I have read a few of the posts. When are you going to worship something different?" -pookie2timer
"Hi, long time reader, first time writer. I've enjoyed your blog for the most part. You have made some very compelling arguments and developed some interesting takes on Gravity. I have appreciated those posts. But I am a bit concerned. All we seem to be doing is worshiping Gravity. I realize that in Cult of the Week, a week is not a literal week, and though it does strike me as a little silly, I am content to allow you this point. However it has been what, half a year, since you started up? I am eagerly anticipating the next Cult. When can we expect to see this?" -HisJaredness23
"I don't worship Gravity. I will never worship Gravity. I will never worship anything that you request us to worship. Your blog is lame. You two are lame. But it is flipping Cult of the WEEK. Let's move on shall we?" - KnightBoat
I hear the complaints, the moans, the muffled weeping that is sure to accompany this pronouncement, but I think we should give it another go. I think we can iron out these differences.
What do you say Nathaniel. Should we give Gravity a final push? I don't believe Gravity is through with us yet.
Epistle from the Regent and Defender of the Faith, Cult of the
Week, Nathaniel Savidge
Greetings to all the faithful followers of Gravity. Contemplate
the the words of the Book that came to me this week:
Behold the Book of Weeks,
Ineffable and ever-changing.
Behold the Book of Weeks, blessed are its out-comings, and its
goings-forth.
Seek within its knowledge, for it is unchanging and ever written. Find the path that is inside to
reach the outer way, for the transformation of many is surely fire
for the few.
And lo, call me not Shirley.
--1st mantra for the faithful, from The Meditations,
Ineffable Book of Weeks
I have long contemplated the stirring revelations of our Prophet.
I have struggled to come to a true and faithful understanding of True
Gravitism. And, as the anointed Regent and Defender of the Faith of
the Cult of the Week, I have, using the those unique abilities which
originally confirmed me in my role and life's mission, perfected my
understanding of Gravity and the Regional Grampf dimension.
Now, for the first time since the elder times, the words of the
Prophet can be explicated for those in bondage and darkness, trapped
as they are in the linear drudgery of the Side-Out Toad dimension!
Fear not, our current naturalistic understanding of Gravity is not
evil, but only misleading. I will open your minds to the potential
of the true and illuminated gravitic life. These simple, life
affirming practices will radically change your lives if you follow
them to the absolute letter.
Remember that the perspective of unenlightened humans is very
limited. You must rely on the enlightenment of the COTW to realign
your perceptions to the truth. For example, we know from quantum
physics that our perception of Gravity manifests in our dimension
from the quantum spins of subatomic particles in all things. This
proves that Gravity manifests and controls all things around us. The unenlightened and heretics alike confirm this power. Now we move
towards enlightenment. Our unfortunate current state-perception in
the side-out toad dimension is linear and moves forward through its
spherical space-projection, never truly changing and therefore never allowing us true change. We now know the true
space-projection, regional gramph, intersects our situation here and
now in ways to give us hope:
In my trans-dimensional
vision, Gravity has revealed all truth to me, and it is not as you
may imagine. Human consciousness works on the 2nd
spherical dimension. This dimension, which we shall call the side-out
toad dimension bisects the regional gramph dimension (4th)
in two non-congruent independent ways, along the back-inverse angle
and generationally. Naturally, it is along genetic heritage lines
that Gravity chooses to interact with the “human race”
unilaterally.
--Words of Aaron the OTP, concerning the new gravitic way, from
the Oraculum, Ineffable Book of Weeks
Naturally, most human perception severely limits the ability to
visualize such complex realities. To explain the revelation, gramph
intersects with us here in such a way as to be non-linear and
circular in nature, if one were to picture the intersections as a 6
dimensional construct, of course. Until you obtain these higher
thought regions, simply know that Gravity intersects with us wherever
we are. And will continue to do so. Some higher interactions with
Gravity may even take place in a chronologically non-linear order!
But, how can the faithful start down this road? By emulating Gravity
in its spherically propagating way:
Twirling around daily, and if possible, violently. As
Gravity moves, so should we move in the same manner. (Sufis,
Tibetan monks, and most small children naturally know this Truth!)
This twirling is preferably accompanied with the recitation
of the following mantra: “As Gravity goes, so shall I. Forward I
go, even as around spins the toaded.” (You are not actually
moving. Gravity moves the world. It's just a question of
perspective)
Show unrequited kindness toward an elephant at least once in
your life. (It will really make a huge difference. It has to do
with confluence of gravitic field strength in large sentient bodies.
The exact details are far beyond the scope of the average acolyte's
knowledge.)
If you are one of the lucky to receive a manifestation of
your gravitic clone, whatever you do, don't be stingy with the tea!
Things have been known to get “weird” otherwise.
Tell everyone everything you currently know of Gravity and
the Gravity filled life. But only as much as they need to know at
the moment. With only 35 years left of this existence, we can't
afford to wait or confuse the uninitiated with higher order
philosophy and idle chit chat.
As interstellar travel is currently unavailable, it is
recommended that all faithful who struggle with perceptions of
Gravity undertake a pilgrimage from Detroit to Vermont (in the US,
not the planet Vermont. (Which is actually a moon of a habitable
zone gas giant planet currently known in scientific circles as
“MOA-2011-BLG-293L b”, in the constellation Sagittarius, near
the galactic core. A perfect gravitational confluence!)). Taking a
heartfelt pilgrimage (ie while twirling) will help realign your
perceptions and cure the warts of the toaded generationally.
Strive to emulate these deeper congruities of Gravity; always
twirling, twirling toward freedom!
One further note to the faithful. Regarding usage of the Words of
the Prophet: “side out toad”: Some have taken to using the phrase “I'll Toad you”. The
meaning is intended as a spiritual diagnosis. Rather like soothsayers
and fortune tellers, but with more nit-picking and accusations of
heresy. While not quite a threat, this usage has been taken as harsh
by some because of its abuse by others. Beware of your despision of
the faithful. Judgement is sure and those who test this
Gravitational rule will be converted to bifurcated spiritual mana for
the faithful and Gravity's coming realignment. I am sure that Ryan
the Heretic will have an opinion on this as well. As example,
consider the true words of the Book:
Then as they strode together,
with mind of fire and eyes of gold, the Prophet answered them in the
moment of illumination, “Where then can my tongue not bound? In
argument of all things I have been granted a cause and a strident
voice to proclaim this, the new revelation of Gravity. Surely in the
goings forth and in the leavings out, the Knowledge will return again
to the Source through the illumination of many ears.” Then spake
Alan the Heretic falsely against Gravity, and all were filled with
minds of fire as they ate together that day.
--from the Founding of Gravity, 1st of the Histories,
Ineffable Book of Weeks
Also, in a completely unrelated bit of news, I have manifested a
new spiritual power to further lead the cult. I have the power to
manifest books by power of will alone. Not with actual paper mind
you. Writing them down still seems to be a lengthy and arduous
process.
A piece of all weighty things to all you of the faith. Hail
Gravity!
Nate Regent and Defender of the Faith
By all approval and power of the Cult of the Week Tribunal Synod
