Greetings to all the faithful followers of Gravity. Contemplate the the words of the Book that came to me this week:
Behold the Book of Weeks, Ineffable and ever-changing.Behold the Book of Weeks, blessed are its out-comings, and its goings-forth.
Seek within its knowledge, for it is unchanging and ever written.
Find the path that is inside to reach the outer way, for the transformation of many is surely fire for the few.
And lo, call me not Shirley.
--1st mantra for the faithful, from The Meditations, Ineffable Book of Weeks
I have long contemplated the stirring revelations of our Prophet. I have struggled to come to a true and faithful understanding of True Gravitism. And, as the anointed Regent and Defender of the Faith of the Cult of the Week, I have, using the those unique abilities which originally confirmed me in my role and life's mission, perfected my understanding of Gravity and the Regional Grampf dimension.
Now, for the first time since the elder times, the words of the Prophet can be explicated for those in bondage and darkness, trapped as they are in the linear drudgery of the Side-Out Toad dimension! Fear not, our current naturalistic understanding of Gravity is not evil, but only misleading. I will open your minds to the potential of the true and illuminated gravitic life. These simple, life affirming practices will radically change your lives if you follow them to the absolute letter.
Remember that the perspective of unenlightened humans is very limited. You must rely on the enlightenment of the COTW to realign your perceptions to the truth. For example, we know from quantum physics that our perception of Gravity manifests in our dimension from the quantum spins of subatomic particles in all things. This proves that Gravity manifests and controls all things around us. The unenlightened and heretics alike confirm this power. Now we move towards enlightenment. Our unfortunate current state-perception in the side-out toad dimension is linear and moves forward through its spherical space-projection, never truly changing and therefore never allowing us true change. We now know the true space-projection, regional gramph, intersects our situation here and now in ways to give us hope:
In my trans-dimensional vision, Gravity has revealed all truth to me, and it is not as you may imagine. Human consciousness works on the 2nd spherical dimension. This dimension, which we shall call the side-out toad dimension bisects the regional gramph dimension (4th) in two non-congruent independent ways, along the back-inverse angle and generationally. Naturally, it is along genetic heritage lines that Gravity chooses to interact with the “human race” unilaterally.
--Words of Aaron the OTP, concerning the new gravitic way, from the Oraculum, Ineffable Book of Weeks
Naturally, most human perception severely limits the ability to visualize such complex realities. To explain the revelation, gramph intersects with us here in such a way as to be non-linear and circular in nature, if one were to picture the intersections as a 6 dimensional construct, of course. Until you obtain these higher thought regions, simply know that Gravity intersects with us wherever we are. And will continue to do so. Some higher interactions with Gravity may even take place in a chronologically non-linear order! But, how can the faithful start down this road? By emulating Gravity in its spherically propagating way:
- Twirling around daily, and if possible, violently. As
Gravity moves, so should we move in the same manner. (Sufis,
Tibetan monks, and most small children naturally know this Truth!)
- This twirling is preferably accompanied with the recitation
of the following mantra: “As Gravity goes, so shall I. Forward I
go, even as around spins the toaded.” (You are not actually
moving. Gravity moves the world. It's just a question of
- Show unrequited kindness toward an elephant at least once in
your life. (It will really make a huge difference. It has to do
with confluence of gravitic field strength in large sentient bodies.
The exact details are far beyond the scope of the average acolyte's
- If you are one of the lucky to receive a manifestation of
your gravitic clone, whatever you do, don't be stingy with the tea!
Things have been known to get “weird” otherwise.
- Tell everyone everything you currently know of Gravity and
the Gravity filled life. But only as much as they need to know at
the moment. With only 35 years left of this existence, we can't
afford to wait or confuse the uninitiated with higher order
philosophy and idle chit chat.
- As interstellar travel is currently unavailable, it is
recommended that all faithful who struggle with perceptions of
Gravity undertake a pilgrimage from Detroit to Vermont (in the US,
not the planet Vermont. (Which is actually a moon of a habitable
zone gas giant planet currently known in scientific circles as
“MOA-2011-BLG-293L b”, in the constellation Sagittarius, near
the galactic core. A perfect gravitational confluence!)). Taking a
heartfelt pilgrimage (ie while twirling) will help realign your
perceptions and cure the warts of the toaded generationally.
Strive to emulate these deeper congruities of Gravity; always twirling, twirling toward freedom!
One further note to the faithful. Regarding usage of the Words of the Prophet: “side out toad”: Some have taken to using the phrase “I'll Toad you”. The meaning is intended as a spiritual diagnosis. Rather like soothsayers and fortune tellers, but with more nit-picking and accusations of heresy. While not quite a threat, this usage has been taken as harsh by some because of its abuse by others. Beware of your despision of the faithful. Judgement is sure and those who test this Gravitational rule will be converted to bifurcated spiritual mana for the faithful and Gravity's coming realignment. I am sure that Ryan the Heretic will have an opinion on this as well. As example, consider the true words of the Book:
Then as they strode together, with mind of fire and eyes of gold, the Prophet answered them in the moment of illumination, “Where then can my tongue not bound? In argument of all things I have been granted a cause and a strident voice to proclaim this, the new revelation of Gravity. Surely in the goings forth and in the leavings out, the Knowledge will return again to the Source through the illumination of many ears.” Then spake Alan the Heretic falsely against Gravity, and all were filled with minds of fire as they ate together that day.
--from the Founding of Gravity, 1st of the Histories, Ineffable Book of Weeks
Also, in a completely unrelated bit of news, I have manifested a new spiritual power to further lead the cult. I have the power to manifest books by power of will alone. Not with actual paper mind you. Writing them down still seems to be a lengthy and arduous process.
A piece of all weighty things to all you of the faith. Hail Gravity!
Regent and Defender of the Faith
By all approval and power of the Cult of the Week Tribunal Synod