Sunday, September 29, 2013

A Video Welcome

Welcome back!

Cult of the Week is going strong.  We've really enjoyed sharing what has changed our lives with you.  We were even mentioned in a tweet by Skye Jethani!  Talk about fame.  I mean.. he wasn't like, talking about Cult of the Week, he was commenting on a video I posted of my son..  But since the twitter handle I used was Cult of the Week, he didn't really have much of a choice..  Still.. any publicity, right?  That means he endorses us, right?  Can I add some sort of blog certified by Skye stamp?

Okay - probably not.
Well, enjoy this welcoming video we made for you!  It was a lot of fun to make.  Watch here on the blog.  You can also follow up on YouTube, on our brand new channel.


Let us know what you think!  Would you like to be in a future vlog to discuss religious cultish implications?  Let us know!

As always - share, post, comment, etc...
Don't forget Cult of the Week on facebook.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


In the beginning was the pull, and the pull was with god, and the pull was god. Gravity was moving over the face of the waters and gently caressing the tips of the tops of the trees. I can feel it tugging my toes, tickling my tresses, yanking me ever downward toward the center of the earth. Soil and rock and crust; upper and lower mantle; magma and heat and pressure; all the terrors that lie above and beneath the surface of the earth be darned – gravity will have it's way with you, and violently!


Yes, our very first cult is that most potent of forces, that most elemental attraction – Gravity. (Please hold your gentle applause.) Its presence with us doth continually linger and through its eternal wisdom we are firmly grounded upon this rock. It is because of Gravity's base force and true presence in our lives that we can boldly say it is truly a cult worth fostering, and one greatly worthy of being the Cult of the Week's first official cult.

The first thing to consider when thinking of the power and majesty of Gravity is its powerful attraction. Those who worship Gravity will have very little trouble bringing others into their system of beliefs as there is no doubt that Gravity itself will do most of the work, pulling the non-believers in, smiting them, if you will, with itself. One need never question the existence of Gravity, as there is evidence all around us that speaks to its presence. 

Heretical Denoucements 

Yes, you cannot see Gravity. But, neither can you see the wind, or God, yet you know that these exist, as you see the evidences for them; the feel of the wind as it knocks you over, the touch of God as he fills your life. Therefore, though science, in all it's vaunted grandeur, seeks to eliminate Gravity from the conversation, it is here to stay. “It cannot be seen, touched or measured, as the existence of God can,” they decry. Yet, we of the faith know of Gravity's presence and of its intimate involvement in our lives.

Though Science and Modernism attempt to discredit Gravity's very existence, there are a larger number who, though they believe in Gravity, call it a force of ultimate evil, “Its pull to the center of the earth is an attempt to drag you to the depths of hell.” But then, I call on them to name what is their ultimate good, for can an ultimate evil exist with no ultimate good. (Maybe it can, this is an excellent subject for a spirited comment debate. (Comment below)) Or do they call the mere absence of Gravity to be the ultimate good? If this is the case, how small is their god, one that must depart at the very suggestion of its rival.

But I proclaim a heretic any who says that hell is a place within the bowels of the earth. (Ryan Benbow) No - within the earth dwells nirvana, and Gravity is our true god, pulling us downward to perfect peace, happiness and equilibrium.

Prophetical Declarations

 Let me leave this introduction to the Gravity cult with the following thought from one of Gravity's greatest prophets – Isaac Newton, a well respected person, even within the heretical scientific community. Newton developed the Universal Law of Gravitation, which elementally states that all objects in the universe attract each other. Yes, Newton is stating that ultimately - Gravity holds the universe together. Newton had a great love and profound understanding of Gravity. Is it any wonder than, that these quotes are attributed to Newton himself?

This most beautiful [gravitational] system of the sun, planets, and comets could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being.”

And consider also this brilliant quote.

When I wrote my treatise [principia] about our [solar system], I had an eye on such principles as might work with considering men for the belief in a Deity; and nothing can rejoice me more than to find it useful for that purpose.”

There can be no doubt that Newton revered Gravity as his Deity and has urged us all to do the same.

I greatly encourage you to post your thoughts on Gravity and our worship of it this week. Comment below and hopefully, we'll be able to get a lively discussing going. Don't forget to share, like, follow and social media the heck out of us!  (We are now a religion on Facebook!)

Big shout out to Rose Nevets - for being our first official follower!  Hooray.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

It's Business Time

I think that before we get too far into this Cult of the Week thing, before even we establish our first cult, we should examine our general hierarchy, as well as some ground rules and other general business.

Sound boring? Well, perhaps for some other religious organizations and cults, but not for us. There are no end of exciting and ridiculous endowments we can and will bestow upon ourselves, and because our cult changes every week our titles can change as well.

Let us begin with our current structure and titles:

Holy High Prophet, Public Liaison, Hippie Representative – This post is currently filled by Aaron White, myself. Responsibilities include hearing holy wisdom and revelation from whichever deity chooses to reveal itself. If none is forthcoming, it is my responsibility to make up something that will satisfy the incorrigible masses who hang around at the back of our church services, ready to beat a hasty exit and unsure how much of this is satirical and whether we are serious about any of it or not. Currently, I am the only one working on this darn blog (see final title of my compatriot) and will be sure to answer each and every one of your sure-to-be plentiful questions and comments. Look for me also as the chief evangelist, enlisting your support and seeking new converts. The “Hippie” part mostly just means that I have long hair and a long beard, which I currently do.

Reigning Monarch, Liturgical Scribe, Slacker Extraordinaire – May the royal diadem grace his lofty bald brow with foolish indignity; Nathaniel Savidge slouches in the high throne. Responsibilities are limited due to his idler qualities; nevertheless they include making general kingly proclamations, which shall be broadcast to all the peasant faithful. As scribe, he is in charge of the holy writings of our many cults, including all updates and additions (which shall be plentiful), as well as being on-hand to sign your digital copies, shake your digital hands and kiss your digital babies. As head of the military and governance of the Cult, he is fit to rule in times of dissension or debate; though, as we have no military and no governing body per se, we may all feel free to heartily disagree.

Official Heretic and General Naysayer – Currently this position is filled by Ryan Benbow, who always has something derogatory to say about our shenanigans. While technically a member of the Cult of the Week, he takes every opportunity to deny this and declare us heretical. Which is perfect, because it is his exact job description. The keeper of this office must also be ready at all times to “zzzt” us with a lightning strike from the Almighty Himself, should He fail to act in a timely manner. Note that this job may switch from parishioner to parishioner as cults change and heretics make themselves known. (“I was on board before, but this cult just goes too far...”)

Feeling left out?  Don't! There is room for all sorts of meaningless hierarchy in the Cult of the Week. Just let us know what your desired title should be and the Liturgical Scribe can add it to our ancient texts as if it were always there.

Another great advantage to starting your own cult (or series of cults) is the ability to make up whatever crazy laws you want. And here's a great one to start with: 
Cult of the Week's laws, bylaws, prophetic bull and off-hand comments by officials or laity can and will change (even contradict) on a regular basis. A general rule-of-thumb, put quite eloquently by our de facto Heretic – Ryan Benbow - “If anything I say contradicts anything I have said in the past, then whatever I say currently trumps what I have said in the past.”

Let me also address one of our most important terms. Most words have somewhat fixed definitions, that rarely change; but, because we are the great and mighty rulers of this cult, we can define words however we please. The word “week” shall henceforth (until we decide to change things) be officially defined as “period of time which begins at the conception (immaculate or not) of a new cult deity and continues until all exploration, writing and/or official rites of said cult are completed; or until a new cult is conceived.”

By broadening the meaning of the word week, we are allowing for all avenues of the cult to be explored, mythologized, theologized, mocked, heresied and splinted into cult-sects. The conventional week need not be observed, but rather we are free to define truth as we please.

Hooray for us – we haven't even gotten started and already we are rewriting reality.

All good cults, though, need followers. Please follow this blog; twitterize it (@CultoftheWeek); force it on people's facebook feeds with shares, shares and more shares; email it to people who do not have either of those and speak about it with your own acolytes. 

Comments are considered part of the cult as well, and will go with the official literature. Didn't know we had religious texts? We do – look for those in the future – most likely in electronic form – how else can we keep track of all the changes and new revelations we will receive?

Monday, September 9, 2013


Argg. Meaning. Purpose. The point!!

My life was fraught with emptiness. I lived alone in a tiny apartment and floundered. I sat in front of screens for my job and then at home for entertainment. My connections were present, but meaningless. I did things that I thought were good works, positive things to benefit society and make this world a better place, blah blah blah. They did not fill me; meaningless.

Now, I live in a house, with a spousal unit and two offspring units. I still try to be a decent, upstanding citizen, but the emptiness persists. A wise man once said that everything is meaningless, and I agree. I just cannot fill my meaning hole.

Said the idiot.

People needn't search for meaning like a needle in a haystack in a room behind one of a thousand similar locked doors that only open if you have a special key that you received from a forest green leprechaun on the first Sunday of a July in an odd year. Meaning is everywhere. If you can't find meaning, then you aren't looking, you dolt. Meaning is so prevalent it makes the world feel like some sort of candy-landish, pink, fluffy nightmare. (But, don't worry, the ponies are usually able to bring order back to Equestria by the end of the episode.)

There is meaning in relationship, meaning in work, meaning in play. There is meaning in joy and meaning in sorrow. There is meaning in nature and meaning in man's creations.

It sickens me how much awesome stuff there is out there to find meaning in. Where do I start getting fulfilled?

There is no place better than religion. For what is religion but a defining of order and meaning in our existence. Religion is any set of beliefs predicated on faith.

But religion is also that which we hold to be the highest in our lives. A Nascar fan is as much a religious fanatic as an outdoorsman worshiping nature.

The problem with organized religion is that in choosing one, you are agreeing to settle and find meaning in the values of that particular ideology. Can a believer in Jesus also believe in dozens of Hindu gods? Can a Muslim embrace astrology? No!

This mutual exclusivity saddens me. As if one brand has a monopoly on truth. If Joseph Smith is the true prophet for one person, and Mohammad is the true prophet for another; can I not revere one this week and the other next week. I want to worship candy to the exclusion of all other means of sustenance this week; and next week I want to only eat black beans and water chestnuts as part of my cleansing ritual as I prepare to enter the presence of my alien overlord, who I believe will be returning to a ditch on Route 69 later this month to return us to our rightful places as rulers of the planet Delousiona.

Each week a different god, each week a different chance to find meaning. Each week another set of beliefs and tenets and rituals and sacraments to chronicle and adhere to. What a thrilling journey!

Join me, won't you. Don't get bogged down in searching for meaning and something to worship and tithe to on your own. Here at Cult of the Week, we'll voyage the plentiful seas of possibility together.

And don't worry, T-shirts and mugs and other identifying paraphernalia will be soon be available for “reasonable suggested donations.”