Thursday, September 19, 2013

It's Business Time

I think that before we get too far into this Cult of the Week thing, before even we establish our first cult, we should examine our general hierarchy, as well as some ground rules and other general business.

Sound boring? Well, perhaps for some other religious organizations and cults, but not for us. There are no end of exciting and ridiculous endowments we can and will bestow upon ourselves, and because our cult changes every week our titles can change as well.

Let us begin with our current structure and titles:

Holy High Prophet, Public Liaison, Hippie Representative – This post is currently filled by Aaron White, myself. Responsibilities include hearing holy wisdom and revelation from whichever deity chooses to reveal itself. If none is forthcoming, it is my responsibility to make up something that will satisfy the incorrigible masses who hang around at the back of our church services, ready to beat a hasty exit and unsure how much of this is satirical and whether we are serious about any of it or not. Currently, I am the only one working on this darn blog (see final title of my compatriot) and will be sure to answer each and every one of your sure-to-be plentiful questions and comments. Look for me also as the chief evangelist, enlisting your support and seeking new converts. The “Hippie” part mostly just means that I have long hair and a long beard, which I currently do.

Reigning Monarch, Liturgical Scribe, Slacker Extraordinaire – May the royal diadem grace his lofty bald brow with foolish indignity; Nathaniel Savidge slouches in the high throne. Responsibilities are limited due to his idler qualities; nevertheless they include making general kingly proclamations, which shall be broadcast to all the peasant faithful. As scribe, he is in charge of the holy writings of our many cults, including all updates and additions (which shall be plentiful), as well as being on-hand to sign your digital copies, shake your digital hands and kiss your digital babies. As head of the military and governance of the Cult, he is fit to rule in times of dissension or debate; though, as we have no military and no governing body per se, we may all feel free to heartily disagree.

Official Heretic and General Naysayer – Currently this position is filled by Ryan Benbow, who always has something derogatory to say about our shenanigans. While technically a member of the Cult of the Week, he takes every opportunity to deny this and declare us heretical. Which is perfect, because it is his exact job description. The keeper of this office must also be ready at all times to “zzzt” us with a lightning strike from the Almighty Himself, should He fail to act in a timely manner. Note that this job may switch from parishioner to parishioner as cults change and heretics make themselves known. (“I was on board before, but this cult just goes too far...”)

Feeling left out?  Don't! There is room for all sorts of meaningless hierarchy in the Cult of the Week. Just let us know what your desired title should be and the Liturgical Scribe can add it to our ancient texts as if it were always there.

Another great advantage to starting your own cult (or series of cults) is the ability to make up whatever crazy laws you want. And here's a great one to start with: 
Cult of the Week's laws, bylaws, prophetic bull and off-hand comments by officials or laity can and will change (even contradict) on a regular basis. A general rule-of-thumb, put quite eloquently by our de facto Heretic – Ryan Benbow - “If anything I say contradicts anything I have said in the past, then whatever I say currently trumps what I have said in the past.”

Let me also address one of our most important terms. Most words have somewhat fixed definitions, that rarely change; but, because we are the great and mighty rulers of this cult, we can define words however we please. The word “week” shall henceforth (until we decide to change things) be officially defined as “period of time which begins at the conception (immaculate or not) of a new cult deity and continues until all exploration, writing and/or official rites of said cult are completed; or until a new cult is conceived.”

By broadening the meaning of the word week, we are allowing for all avenues of the cult to be explored, mythologized, theologized, mocked, heresied and splinted into cult-sects. The conventional week need not be observed, but rather we are free to define truth as we please.

Hooray for us – we haven't even gotten started and already we are rewriting reality.

All good cults, though, need followers. Please follow this blog; twitterize it (@CultoftheWeek); force it on people's facebook feeds with shares, shares and more shares; email it to people who do not have either of those and speak about it with your own acolytes. 

Comments are considered part of the cult as well, and will go with the official literature. Didn't know we had religious texts? We do – look for those in the future – most likely in electronic form – how else can we keep track of all the changes and new revelations we will receive?

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