Saturday, October 19, 2013

Prophetic Elucidation

We have received some concerned responses regarding our last posted video - Cult of the Week Episode 5 - Movie Review and a Startling Revelation.  These responses were not exactly negative, but anxious and were not concerning the movie review by our Regent, but by the divinitory vision that assaulted our prophet before your very eyes.

Some have claimed sham.  Some, too far!  And yet others expressed a doomsdayish fanaticism.

In an effort to clarify for all, we have created this video.

These things were clarified in my mind as I recovered from the impact of the blasting visitation that Gravity bestowed upon me.  There is more that Gravity has given me, stowed away in the recesses of my mind, and these shall be revealed to you, the faithful, in our next blog.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Gravity Speaks!

Good Gravity, all!  A brand-new, fun-filled video blog is here for your enjoyment.

In today's video, Nathaniel and I sit down to discuss the new film, Gravity.  Beware, though, as something unexpected happens afterward.

For our next installment, we are planning on having Sandra Bullock and George Clooney do a guest blog, so they can share their stories and how they came to believe in Gravity.  Stay tuned!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Weighty Matters

I do hope that you have all been singing the Gravity hymn faithfully and that it has enriched you in your devotion to Gravity. If you don't know the Gravity hymn, please follow this link to the video and begin participating immediately. You can post videos of you singing the hymn to our YouTube channel and let us know what you think.  Think of this as your duty to Gravity, which has been so faithful to you.

 As faithful followers, though, please be aware that the singing of the anthem is not optional. It is compulsory. Gravity has demanded this rite as a necessary sacrifice for all adherents; and, though we shall not demand confession, Gravity will know whether you are good or bad. Do not suppose that Gravity will not deign to strike the nominal among you.

Many heathens believe that there is one indisputable law of Gravity.  This is not so.  Let us denote our first three rules of Gravitism, which you, the elect and faithful are now privileged to hear.
  1. Thou shalt believest that Gravity exists and is the supreme god of the week.
  2. Thou shaltest sing the first Gravitational hymn at least once during the duration of the cult. (Gravity will reward you double points for posting a video.)
  3. Thou shalt prostrate thyself before Gravity.  The meditation of experiencing Gravity's pull will remind the weak in faith that Gravity's embrace is all encompassing.  This is mandatory.  (Sleep doesn't count, ye sluggards!!)  Once daily you must publicly demonstrate your devotion.
Remember, the One True Prophet is the undisputed speaker of all gravitic truth, and as such, his holy rules are not to be disputed.  And the Reigning Monarch is standing by with his Smiting Sword and Prod of Discipline to enforce the heck out of them.

Good – on with the meat of the post.

In Part Two of the Gravity Cult's doctrinal and expository rantings, I would like to debunk some of the ridiculous heretical statements made by some of our faithful followers. Hopefully, these answers will not only show our followers to be foolish, but also further enlighten the masses in what the worship of Gravity really is all about.

The Epistle to Gwyned

On September 29th, we received the following comment from gwyned. gwyned is responsible for creating Gravity's one and only hymn and for that we are ever grateful.  He comments:
“So what happens when I remove myself from the gravitational pull of any nearby large-mass objects? Does this not greatly diminish gravity's power over me, allowing me to escape from its power for all practical purposes? In that case, there is something that this god cannot do, and thus gravity is no god at all.”
Ridiculous, gwyned, though I appreciate your dissenting opinion - it is truly refreshing. However, I will debunk you.

You see, we are not worshiping large-mass objects. We are worshiping gravity. Just because you move away from large-mass objects doesn't mean that gravity disappears. Gravity is just as present as ever. Gravity is in ALL things. You, gwyned, have a gravitational pull, negligible though it is; and though you have been impertinent Gravity still dwells within you, as it does all beings. Of course, your communing with Gravity through beautiful song has greatly improved Gravity's thoughts toward you.

Those of us who dwell on earth (physically) currently inhabit three separate realms of gravity. Earth itself has a gravitational pull on us. Earth and all of us are in the gravitational field of the sun. And the sun and all in its sway are in the gravitational pull of the core of the galaxy. At no point are you escaping the power of gravity, though you run to Tarshish itself, even there will Gravity find you.

And to bring up a minor point – because a god cannot do something does not eliminate that entity from being a god. You can be a god and not be omnipresent, all powerful and invincible.

gwyned, because you have contributed significantly to the cause of Gravity, you will receive a pass for your outrageous questionings. And it is with great pleasure and supreme grace that we bestow upon you the title of Cult of the Week's Worship Maestro and Conductor Magnifique. What you choose to conduct is entirely up to you, of course. Congratulations!

The Epistle to Rose

Rose Nevets has pledged even more allegiance to Gravity by succumbing to the divine prophecy of her own derangement:
“Divine Gravity has only confirmed what I myself have suspected all along. I'm crazy. I bow my head to Gravity's divine wisdom.

Do you think I can obtain an official title including some form of "first crazed follower"? ;-)”
Of course.  Rose, because of your faithful allegiance, Cult of the Week has found favor with you. Henceforth, may you ever be known as our official Acolyte of Insanity. Your insane comments are always welcome; nay, may they even be considered fodder for the ever growing Ineffable Book of Weeks. The crazier, the better.

The Epistle to Lissajean

Another good friend of Cult of the Week, lissajean has written:
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I have known the two of you since those 'beginning' days that you so lovingly described... Yet, it is only in the past month that I have heard of the Cult of the Week. Is that a failing on my part, or yours?”
Obviously yours. If you would pay a little more attention to things, perhaps the important stuff, like Cult of the Week, wouldn't slip through the cracks of your mistaken priorities.
“When you stand at the end of the video, is that an act of rebellion? If falling to the floor is an act of worship (or, perhaps in this case, chastisement) then wouldn't the opposite follow? Also, would it be correct to assume that the closer you are to the Earth's center of gravity, the more 'holy' you are? Those who live in the mountains would then be considered 'weaker' in their faith? What about airplanes? They use all that energy to fly far above the ground... There are so many implications!”
Actually, lissajean, I would argue the opposite. In the video we were standing so that we could get closer to the earth by falling.  Regardless, the difference in gravity required to stand is quite minimal. But, in general those who seek the heights – mountains, cliffs, airplanes, even jumping off their feet – are in actuality worshiping gravity quite sincerely. For they are trusting that as they pull themselves up, away from our nearest large-scale gravitational field, that Gravity will perform its divine work on them and bring them earthward once again. Those who travel to the reaches of space are trusting that the same Gravity that worked in them so faithfully on earth, would do likewise as they searched the far reaches of our universe. In the absence of earthly Gravity, the vast bounds of Gravity become all the more evident. Truly, the heavens declare the majesty of Gravity.

Indeed, those of us who desperately cling to the surface of our sphere could be seeking greater knowledge of gravity, or perhaps we are very low in faith, not trusting Gravity to work.

We'd like to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments and questions.

I foresee at least one more blog on the glory of Gravity. This one will be particularly exciting as it will delve into a historical heresy that started the moment the worship of Gravity was mentioned - Allanistic heresy.  It will also deal with the most important question we have as we worship Gravity -  the end of our faith. What it is really all about? Why worship Gravity in the first place? What is in it for us? (Thou selfish swine.) All these questions and more will be answered in our next blog – don't miss it.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

In the Garden of Gravity

We have outstanding news for you today, and one heck of an awesome and enlightening video.

One of our faithful followers – gwyned – composed and sang the first ever Cult of the Week hymn and then he created a fascinating music video.

Yes – you actually heard right. Gravity, our first official cult, has its very first hymn. Here it is, linked to our YouTube channel.  (Including a special brief get-to-know-you video with our official Cult of the Week Heretic - Ryan Benbow.)

Huge thanks to gwyned for putting this together. Check out his blog – Writer Adept and follow him on twitter - @gwyned42.

Our challenge to you - create your own version of the hymn.  Create a video for YouTube or create a sound file and share it with us here on the blog, or in response to the YouTube video on our channel.  (Bonus points if you can get the vague reference in the title of the blog.)

The heavy lyrics (which must be sung with all reverence):
Worship the Gravity.
We thank Newton, and the apple that fell from the tree.
Pulling on you and me.
Downward we fall.
Both great and small.
Hail, Gravity.
Downward we fall.
Both great and small.
Hail, Gravity.

And never fear, more Gravitism topics in a new blog post coming soon!