Wednesday, September 3, 2014


Our beards salute you.

This is Aaron from Cult of the Week.

Nate and I are fine.  We have made it back.

I know it has been long and you have all been worried sick about us; we appreciate the search party that was so quickly arranged and for the sheer mass of folks that were involved in seeking us out.

What you couldn't have known was that Nate and I could not be found.  We were not here.  We were elsewhere.

We are both still reeling from our journey, our quest, the revelations that came.  We are working on putting it all together in our heads, and then we will present to you, faithful Cultians our astonishing, mind-bending epiphany.

Keep your eye on our Youtube Channel or this blog for the update.

We are highly indebted to our followers for faithfully updating our progress online.  See the most recent videos:

Saturday, August 2, 2014

ALERT - Nate and Aaron missing!

We are loyal adherents to Cult of the Week and close followers of our cult leaders, Nate and Aaron.

We last heard from them several weeks ago, on their epic quest west.

We have been waiting to hear from them again, but there have been no posts on YouTube, this blog or Facebook.

A few days ago, a phone was found that appears to belong to Nate.  It has some very odd footage on it, that we will be attempting to put up on the internet.

We were able to log into their blog, and facebook, but are having some difficulty with youtube.

If anyone has ANY information as to the whereabouts of our leaders.  Please let us know - some of the footage on the phone was... questionable and leads us to believe that something untoward may have occurred.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Why would you shave God?

What starts out as a quick video update from Nathaniel turns into a brand new cult.

I know you've been waiting for it.  Fortune Cookies are so earlier this year.

And, when I got that fortune cookie that had NO fortune in it - well, it was just a signal of the end.

So, when I got the news, revelation, of a new cult, it was a welcome change.

We hope you will think so too!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Raise Up a Child

Every religious tradition encourages parents to raise up their children in the faith.

Jewish - "Denying a child religious knowledge robs the child of an inheritance." (Talmud Sanhedrin 91b)

Islam - Prophet Muhammad said, “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.  The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.  A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock.  A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock”

Christian - Proverbs 22:6 - "Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it."

Buddhism - "Parents should practice the "Four Sublime States of Mind" taught by the Buddha in raising their children. They are: Metta-- loving kindness or goodwill Karuna—compassion. Mudita-- sympathetic joy. Upekkha -- equanimity or "even-mindedness" These four states, well practiced will help parents remain calm throughout the difficult period of child rearing."

New Age - "The traditional family unit is not desirable for the Aquarian, or New Age. Children belong to the government, to the world and the community--the human group--not to their parents. A new kind of family unit must inevitably come into existence."

Umm... Okay maybe not so much for New Age.

Satanism - [In a bit of a backhanded manner] "...but the lie that even intelligent persons accept as fact the lie that has been inculcated in a little child at its mother's knee is more dangerous to contend against than a creeping pestilence!"  From the Satanic Bible.

The same goes for Cult of the Week.  We encourage parent/child participation in all Cult practices.

As a resource, please use this video, in which I teach my own son in the way of the Fortune Cookie, with a rather pleasing result.  Not one to brag (okay perhaps I am), I am quite proud of the future the Fortune Cookie gods have laid out for him. 

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Be sure to also check out the new Nate & Aaron YouTube channel:

Friday, March 21, 2014

What you never knew about Fortune Cookies

I've seen lots of fun informational videos on YouTube.  Since Cult of the Week is worshiping the fortune cookie this week, I figured we had better get one of our own.

There are so many interesting facts about the fortune cookie, we could have kept talking and talking and talking.  But, we tried to edit ourselves.

So - with a little further ado, here is the Fortune Cookie Facts video, with an extra special Nate & Aaron spin of course.

And, in case you missed it - Nate and I did another Fortune Cookie ceremony that it would be well worth your while to check out:

If you subscribe - you'll never  miss a one.

Be sure to also check out the new Nate & Aaron YouTube channel:

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Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Welcome back!  Nathaniel has received a very strange new fortune.  The Fortune Cookie gods, though, have provided a meaning and it may turn out that this fortune is one of our most important yet.

Most of you have probably read the words of this fortune and wrinkled your brow, turned your mouth screwy and squinted your eyes as you attempted to make heads and tails of the words.  It seems that its lack of proper grammatical structure has perverted its original meaning, conveying perhaps a message that the originator of this fortune did not intend.  You would like me, perhaps, to decipher these confusing words for you.

The problem, however, is that you are starting in the wrong place.  The message begins in the numbers and ends in the words.

The Lucky #'s may appear to be just random numbers, that some less-witting individual may attempt to play in the lottery, but are, in fact, significant presagers.

44 - contains the doubled vibrations of the number 4.  The number 4 resonates support, stability and the message that you are surrounded by helpful and loving angels.  The number 44 doubles this oscillation and strengthens it.  It is a message to you, Nathaniel, that you are surrounded by angels and archangels who are there to encourage you and remove your fear.

10 - endows you with extra vitality and intensifies the energies of the 1 vibration.  The 10 energy is productive, and has the power of acquisition and attraction.  

8 - is a balancer of the material and immaterial worlds. It is spiritual and materialistic. The spiritual side of the 8 is practical, realistic and intelligent. It knows the difference between make-believe and genuine spiritual realizations. On the material plane, it is focused on results, often in the form of money, yet does not care much about money for the sake of money.

39 -  means thank you.  You can do so for this translation.

43 - is an indication that the ascended masters and angels are around you.  If you seek them, know that they will come to your aid.

66 -  asks you to balance your physical, material and spiritual lives.  It is a message from the angels that they are there to assist, guide and support you in manifesting your goals, desires and wishes.

WOW - knowing these numbers, and how unrandom and purposeful they are has pretty much cleared up this entire fortune.  "Watch your relations without other people carefully..."  What seemed an odd sentence structure is totally clear.  Yes, Nathaniel, you are to watch your relations without other people.  Not your humanly relations, your relations with the spiritual that surrounds you: the angels, archangels and ascended masters that are there to guide you.  They are they for you, but you must relate to them positively and carefully, as they have great power to disrupt you as well.

Your link to the spiritual world is just as strong as your link to the material world, and your especial benefactor, the mysterious "he", is reserving for you this message of spiritual strengthening.  From this spiritual strength, you have something very great to do in this physical, human world.

This bodes very positively for the direction of the cult.  Be alert and relate to other not-people carefully in the coming weeks, as they seek to guide your cult decisions.  This can be either positive or negative however, so be careful.

And do not forget the final portion of the fortune, Jiu-Pian, nine pieces.  Also, very significant, these nine pieces will manifest themselves soon.  Take these pieces as they come and do not hesitate to relate to your surrounding spiritual beings as you do so.  Collect them, for they will reveal a message of cultish significance.  

Submit your fortunes via Facebook, Twitter, or Blog comments.  We'll be glad to unravel them for you. 

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And, if you haven't checked out our new YouTube Channel yet, you should:

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Sacred Fortune Cookie Ceremony

Today Nate and Aaron join forces to present a tutorial on the communion of the fortune cookie.  When together with other Cult of the Week adherents, please follow this sacred rite as you partake of the fortunes the cookies bring you.

When you have completed the ritual, share with the Cult community your fortunes - let us encourage each other with words of wisdom and depth.

AND - keep your internet browser plugged into the Cult of the Week for some future news!

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Thursday, January 30, 2014

Beautiful People

Cult of the Week's second cult is Fortune Cookie messages.  Let's forsake some of the formalities this week and get straight into it!

Today I received this Fortune Cookie message:

Sounds pretty fantastic, right?  But, then I got to thinking.  What exactly what is this fortune trying to tell me?

Problem Number 1)  This isn't really a real fortune.  I mean, it is and it isn't.  It seems the important message is actually what the attractive person is going to tell me.  And if that person is going to tell me, then what need have I of the fortune?  Aren't we simply complicating matters, setting up an unnecessarily elaborate scavenger hunt?

Perhaps I need to seek out this attractive person...

Problem Number 2)  This sounds like a great idea.  Who wouldn't like to cruise about looking for attractive women and asking them if they "have a message for me."  However, who is to say what attractive is?  This is a huge impediment to my search:
  • Do I tell my wife?  Yes, I'm married, which reduces the search for a hot mama to something less exciting than it would be if I weren't so wonderfully encumbered.  But, my marital appendage is not really the jealous type, so I think she'd not really have much of a problem with it, though her already suffering opinion of me may suffer serious damage.
  • Do I include guys?  Women are more attractive to me, but there is no denying that there are attractive men out there.  (No, there is no creaking closet door in that statement.)  So, now I'm cruising for guys and girls??
  • Is this attractive to me, or is it just generally attractive?  I would have to think generally attractive, however, I have heard others say that so-and-so is attractive, and I have disagreed.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  So, what if the person that the fortune cookie god considers attractive is not someone that I would consider attractive?
  • Attractive how?  Physically appealing to the eyes?  Attractive in their attributes (i.e. kind, loving, gentle)?  Attractive because of their aged wisdom, attractive because they are puppy-cute, attractive because their tremendous mass naturally Gravitationally pulls stronger????
Melanie Safka has this to say:

Now, she was obviously on something that probably wasn't legal when she wrote this, sang this, or perhaps both.  But, drug-addledness aside, I think one of her points may be that all people are beautiful, by the very nature of their being people.  Which, in any case, is something I feel may be right.  Which leads us to a new issue...

Problem Number 3)  The conclusion I have come to is basically someone in the world somewhere has a message for me.  People are telling me things all the time.  Most of these things could be considered messages, even if they aren't very important.

"Your bank statement is ready for viewing on the website."
"Your order will be right up."
"The Super Bowl is on Sunday."
"Your car is leaking gas."
"Your child is leaking urine."

However, seeing that this is an important fortune from the fortune cookie gods, who we are worshiping, I have to think that the message carries some importance, though it doesn't specifically say so.  But is this a message I will have to act on... "Seek the egg of the bald eagle in the land of a thousand dreams."  Or more of a general message... "I love you, Daddy."

What if the important message was "I love you, Daddy," but some lunatic comes up to me with the second message a day later?  I may assume that the second message is real and start my no-doubt fruitless quest in vain...

Problem Number 4)  In the end, am I even to do anything at all!!!  The fortune doesn't specify if the message is good, bad, dire, indifferent, usual, unusual, actionable, unactionable, foolish or anything.  Perhaps the fortune wants to warn me that the message I receive will endanger me, or perhaps it is a message that I should take special note of to follow.  How am I to know?

Conclusion  I'm just going to use my common sense/acquired wisdom on this one.  I'll keep my eye open for a message from an attractive person, no doubt; but I will respond to that message within my discretion, when it is revealed.

Now - it's your turn.
What fortunes have the cookie gods revealed to you?  (Is it that you have a message for an attractive person?  I'm right here!)
How has your fortune helped you, changed you, made you ponder? 
Tweet, Facebook and comment your fortunes.  If you need help with their meanings, you've come to the right place.  We'll do our inspired best!

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Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Answer is No

Alright, homies and homielitas.  We have indeed received word from on high: an unequivocal and certain message.  A decision had to be made in order to move Cult of the Week forward, and the floundering of Aaron and Nathaniel has been supplanted by a final decision. 

We can tell, though, that a lot of thought and care was put into this decision.  We are sorry for those of you eager for more Gravity, but I think we can all agree that leaving our first Cult behind, while difficult, is probably for the best.

So - moving on.  Nate and I have been unable to put a lot of thought into our next cult.  We've been so focused on Gravity, as well as some additional projects that are in the works, that we haven't had a lot of time to consider the future.

But, that's okay.  Cult progression should not be a part of some sort of secret agenda that we have as we seek to manipulate and milk our followers.  No, they should be an organic outgrowth of our natural advancement and should mirror our identity as a progressive, important religious presence in our world.  When we first received the note concerning the immediate change in cults, we were worried.  But the gods of all provided and promptly inspired us as we sat down to some Chinese cuisine.

"When one door closes, another opens," read the message from the gods that inhabited Nathaniel's fortune cookie.

Without a doubt, we were to consume copious amounts of Asian food and get our hands on as many fortune cookies as we possibly could.  Their messages would lead us forward.  Forget the astrological augurs, as if the stars positions and movements could be interpreted with any sort of reliability by wanna-be psychic hacks.

Therefore, loyal followers of Cult of the Week - Rise from your prone Gravity-worshiping positions, discard your bootleg copies of "Gravity," take up your hunger and go for Chinese.  With great reverence, remove your fortunes.  Read and follow their directions - post them upon your door, frame them for display within your home, read and reread them.  Post them here, tweet them or share on Facebook.  Go and proselytize the Cult of Fortune Cookies.

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Sunday, January 5, 2014

Troubles In Paradise

It's been a long time since Cult of the Week has blogged.  Inexcusable?  Untenable?  Rude? 

Yes, all of the above.  I feel somewhat responsible.  Okay, I feel mostly responsible.  It is my responsibility to update and compose blog posts; to communicate with you, the faithful; to explicate the unknown and clarify great prophecies from our beloved gods.  However, my "partner," who for the first time decided to compose his own blog post, has confused our followers and extrapolated the truth in such a way as to make a worship of Gravity based upon the posts I have written and the one he has written, untenable.  

Such speculation and dissension can be expected and encouraged in main-line religions - and they are free to splinter into sub-denominations and factions; but that will not work in a cult setting.  That is why so many cults are based upon the hearsay of one magnetic, prophetic individual.  Splinter cells will either fizzle out or cause the downfall of the entire cult, depending on membership.

Our cult cannot survive such division.

So, yes.  I have been procrastinating.  I am hoping we can resolve this impasse, but our relationship is strained to the breaking. 

I love Gravity, we both do, but there has been some talk.  Here are some emails we have received:

  "...You guys are hilarious.  This cult thing is funny too.  I have read a few of the posts.  When are you going to worship something different?"  -pookie2timer

"Hi, long time reader, first time writer.  I've enjoyed your blog for the most part.  You have made some very compelling arguments and developed some interesting takes on Gravity.  I have appreciated those posts.  But I am a bit concerned.  All we seem to be doing is worshiping Gravity.  I realize that in Cult of the Week, a week is not a literal week, and though it does strike me as a little silly, I am content to allow you this point.  However it has been what, half a year, since you started up?  I am eagerly anticipating the next Cult.  When can we expect to see this?"  -HisJaredness23

 "I don't worship Gravity.  I will never worship Gravity.  I will never worship anything that you request us to worship.  Your blog is lame.  You two are lame.  But it is flipping Cult of the WEEK.  Let's move on shall we?"  -  KnightBoat

I hear the complaints, the moans, the muffled weeping that is sure to accompany this pronouncement, but I think we should give it another go.  I think we can iron out these differences.

What do you say Nathaniel.  Should we give Gravity a final push?  I don't believe Gravity is through with us yet.