Sunday, January 5, 2014

Troubles In Paradise

It's been a long time since Cult of the Week has blogged.  Inexcusable?  Untenable?  Rude? 

Yes, all of the above.  I feel somewhat responsible.  Okay, I feel mostly responsible.  It is my responsibility to update and compose blog posts; to communicate with you, the faithful; to explicate the unknown and clarify great prophecies from our beloved gods.  However, my "partner," who for the first time decided to compose his own blog post, has confused our followers and extrapolated the truth in such a way as to make a worship of Gravity based upon the posts I have written and the one he has written, untenable.  

Such speculation and dissension can be expected and encouraged in main-line religions - and they are free to splinter into sub-denominations and factions; but that will not work in a cult setting.  That is why so many cults are based upon the hearsay of one magnetic, prophetic individual.  Splinter cells will either fizzle out or cause the downfall of the entire cult, depending on membership.

Our cult cannot survive such division.

So, yes.  I have been procrastinating.  I am hoping we can resolve this impasse, but our relationship is strained to the breaking. 

I love Gravity, we both do, but there has been some talk.  Here are some emails we have received:

  "...You guys are hilarious.  This cult thing is funny too.  I have read a few of the posts.  When are you going to worship something different?"  -pookie2timer

"Hi, long time reader, first time writer.  I've enjoyed your blog for the most part.  You have made some very compelling arguments and developed some interesting takes on Gravity.  I have appreciated those posts.  But I am a bit concerned.  All we seem to be doing is worshiping Gravity.  I realize that in Cult of the Week, a week is not a literal week, and though it does strike me as a little silly, I am content to allow you this point.  However it has been what, half a year, since you started up?  I am eagerly anticipating the next Cult.  When can we expect to see this?"  -HisJaredness23

 "I don't worship Gravity.  I will never worship Gravity.  I will never worship anything that you request us to worship.  Your blog is lame.  You two are lame.  But it is flipping Cult of the WEEK.  Let's move on shall we?"  -  KnightBoat

I hear the complaints, the moans, the muffled weeping that is sure to accompany this pronouncement, but I think we should give it another go.  I think we can iron out these differences.

What do you say Nathaniel.  Should we give Gravity a final push?  I don't believe Gravity is through with us yet.

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