Thursday, January 30, 2014

Beautiful People

Cult of the Week's second cult is Fortune Cookie messages.  Let's forsake some of the formalities this week and get straight into it!

Today I received this Fortune Cookie message:

Sounds pretty fantastic, right?  But, then I got to thinking.  What exactly what is this fortune trying to tell me?

Problem Number 1)  This isn't really a real fortune.  I mean, it is and it isn't.  It seems the important message is actually what the attractive person is going to tell me.  And if that person is going to tell me, then what need have I of the fortune?  Aren't we simply complicating matters, setting up an unnecessarily elaborate scavenger hunt?

Perhaps I need to seek out this attractive person...

Problem Number 2)  This sounds like a great idea.  Who wouldn't like to cruise about looking for attractive women and asking them if they "have a message for me."  However, who is to say what attractive is?  This is a huge impediment to my search:
  • Do I tell my wife?  Yes, I'm married, which reduces the search for a hot mama to something less exciting than it would be if I weren't so wonderfully encumbered.  But, my marital appendage is not really the jealous type, so I think she'd not really have much of a problem with it, though her already suffering opinion of me may suffer serious damage.
  • Do I include guys?  Women are more attractive to me, but there is no denying that there are attractive men out there.  (No, there is no creaking closet door in that statement.)  So, now I'm cruising for guys and girls??
  • Is this attractive to me, or is it just generally attractive?  I would have to think generally attractive, however, I have heard others say that so-and-so is attractive, and I have disagreed.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  So, what if the person that the fortune cookie god considers attractive is not someone that I would consider attractive?
  • Attractive how?  Physically appealing to the eyes?  Attractive in their attributes (i.e. kind, loving, gentle)?  Attractive because of their aged wisdom, attractive because they are puppy-cute, attractive because their tremendous mass naturally Gravitationally pulls stronger????
Melanie Safka has this to say:

Now, she was obviously on something that probably wasn't legal when she wrote this, sang this, or perhaps both.  But, drug-addledness aside, I think one of her points may be that all people are beautiful, by the very nature of their being people.  Which, in any case, is something I feel may be right.  Which leads us to a new issue...

Problem Number 3)  The conclusion I have come to is basically someone in the world somewhere has a message for me.  People are telling me things all the time.  Most of these things could be considered messages, even if they aren't very important.

"Your bank statement is ready for viewing on the website."
"Your order will be right up."
"The Super Bowl is on Sunday."
"Your car is leaking gas."
"Your child is leaking urine."

However, seeing that this is an important fortune from the fortune cookie gods, who we are worshiping, I have to think that the message carries some importance, though it doesn't specifically say so.  But is this a message I will have to act on... "Seek the egg of the bald eagle in the land of a thousand dreams."  Or more of a general message... "I love you, Daddy."

What if the important message was "I love you, Daddy," but some lunatic comes up to me with the second message a day later?  I may assume that the second message is real and start my no-doubt fruitless quest in vain...

Problem Number 4)  In the end, am I even to do anything at all!!!  The fortune doesn't specify if the message is good, bad, dire, indifferent, usual, unusual, actionable, unactionable, foolish or anything.  Perhaps the fortune wants to warn me that the message I receive will endanger me, or perhaps it is a message that I should take special note of to follow.  How am I to know?

Conclusion  I'm just going to use my common sense/acquired wisdom on this one.  I'll keep my eye open for a message from an attractive person, no doubt; but I will respond to that message within my discretion, when it is revealed.

Now - it's your turn.
What fortunes have the cookie gods revealed to you?  (Is it that you have a message for an attractive person?  I'm right here!)
How has your fortune helped you, changed you, made you ponder? 
Tweet, Facebook and comment your fortunes.  If you need help with their meanings, you've come to the right place.  We'll do our inspired best!

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