As faithful followers, though, please be aware that the singing of the anthem is not optional. It is compulsory. Gravity has demanded this rite as a necessary sacrifice for all adherents; and, though we shall not demand confession, Gravity will know whether you are good or bad. Do not suppose that Gravity will not deign to strike the nominal among you.
Many heathens believe that there is one indisputable law of Gravity. This is not so. Let us denote our first three rules of Gravitism, which you, the elect and faithful are now privileged to hear.
- Thou shalt believest that Gravity exists and is the supreme
god of the week.
- Thou shaltest sing the first Gravitational hymn at least once during the duration of the cult. (Gravity will reward you double points for posting a video.)
- Thou shalt prostrate thyself before Gravity. The meditation of experiencing Gravity's pull will remind the weak in faith that Gravity's embrace is all encompassing. This is mandatory. (Sleep doesn't count, ye sluggards!!) Once daily you must publicly demonstrate your devotion.
Good – on with the meat of the post.
In Part Two of the Gravity Cult's doctrinal and expository rantings, I would like to debunk some of the ridiculous heretical statements made by some of our faithful followers. Hopefully, these answers will not only show our followers to be foolish, but also further enlighten the masses in what the worship of Gravity really is all about.
The Epistle to Gwyned
On September 29th, we received the following comment from gwyned. gwyned is responsible for creating Gravity's one and only hymn and for that we are ever grateful. He comments:
Ridiculous, gwyned, though I appreciate your dissenting opinion - it is truly refreshing. However, I will debunk you.“So what happens when I remove myself from the gravitational pull of any nearby large-mass objects? Does this not greatly diminish gravity's power over me, allowing me to escape from its power for all practical purposes? In that case, there is something that this god cannot do, and thus gravity is no god at all.”
You see, we are not worshiping large-mass objects. We are worshiping gravity. Just because you move away from large-mass objects doesn't mean that gravity disappears. Gravity is just as present as ever. Gravity is in ALL things. You, gwyned, have a gravitational pull, negligible though it is; and though you have been impertinent Gravity still dwells within you, as it does all beings. Of course, your communing with Gravity through beautiful song has greatly improved Gravity's thoughts toward you.
And to bring up a minor point – because a god cannot do something does not eliminate that entity from being a god. You can be a god and not be omnipresent, all powerful and invincible.
gwyned, because you have contributed significantly to the cause of Gravity, you will receive a pass for your outrageous questionings. And it is with great pleasure and supreme grace that we bestow upon you the title of Cult of the Week's Worship Maestro and Conductor Magnifique. What you choose to conduct is entirely up to you, of course. Congratulations!
The Epistle to Rose
Rose Nevets has pledged even more allegiance to Gravity by succumbing to the divine prophecy of her own derangement:
“Divine Gravity has only confirmed what I myself have suspected all along. I'm crazy. I bow my head to Gravity's divine wisdom.Of course. Rose, because of your faithful allegiance, Cult of the Week has found favor with you. Henceforth, may you ever be known as our official Acolyte of Insanity. Your insane comments are always welcome; nay, may they even be considered fodder for the ever growing Ineffable Book of Weeks. The crazier, the better.
Do you think I can obtain an official title including some form of "first crazed follower"? ;-)”
The Epistle to Lissajean
Another good friend of Cult of the Week, lissajean has written:
“BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I have known the two of you since those 'beginning' days that you so lovingly described... Yet, it is only in the past month that I have heard of the Cult of the Week. Is that a failing on my part, or yours?”Obviously yours. If you would pay a little more attention to things, perhaps the important stuff, like Cult of the Week, wouldn't slip through the cracks of your mistaken priorities.
“When you stand at the end of the video, is that an act of rebellion? If falling to the floor is an act of worship (or, perhaps in this case, chastisement) then wouldn't the opposite follow? Also, would it be correct to assume that the closer you are to the Earth's center of gravity, the more 'holy' you are? Those who live in the mountains would then be considered 'weaker' in their faith? What about airplanes? They use all that energy to fly far above the ground... There are so many implications!”Actually, lissajean, I would argue the opposite. In the video we were standing so that we could get closer to the earth by falling. Regardless, the difference in gravity required to stand is quite minimal. But, in general those who seek the heights – mountains, cliffs, airplanes, even jumping off their feet – are in actuality worshiping gravity quite sincerely. For they are trusting that as they pull themselves up, away from our nearest large-scale gravitational field, that Gravity will perform its divine work on them and bring them earthward once again. Those who travel to the reaches of space are trusting that the same Gravity that worked in them so faithfully on earth, would do likewise as they searched the far reaches of our universe. In the absence of earthly Gravity, the vast bounds of Gravity become all the more evident. Truly, the heavens declare the majesty of Gravity.
Indeed, those of us who desperately cling to the surface of our sphere could be seeking greater knowledge of gravity, or perhaps we are very low in faith, not trusting Gravity to work.
We'd like to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments and questions.
I foresee at least one more blog on the glory of Gravity. This one will be particularly exciting as it will delve into a historical heresy that started the moment the worship of Gravity was mentioned - Allanistic heresy. It will also deal with the most important question we have as we worship Gravity - the end of our faith. What it is really all about? Why worship Gravity in the first place? What is in it for us? (Thou selfish swine.) All these questions and more will be answered in our next blog – don't miss it.