Wednesday, September 25, 2013


In the beginning was the pull, and the pull was with god, and the pull was god. Gravity was moving over the face of the waters and gently caressing the tips of the tops of the trees. I can feel it tugging my toes, tickling my tresses, yanking me ever downward toward the center of the earth. Soil and rock and crust; upper and lower mantle; magma and heat and pressure; all the terrors that lie above and beneath the surface of the earth be darned – gravity will have it's way with you, and violently!


Yes, our very first cult is that most potent of forces, that most elemental attraction – Gravity. (Please hold your gentle applause.) Its presence with us doth continually linger and through its eternal wisdom we are firmly grounded upon this rock. It is because of Gravity's base force and true presence in our lives that we can boldly say it is truly a cult worth fostering, and one greatly worthy of being the Cult of the Week's first official cult.

The first thing to consider when thinking of the power and majesty of Gravity is its powerful attraction. Those who worship Gravity will have very little trouble bringing others into their system of beliefs as there is no doubt that Gravity itself will do most of the work, pulling the non-believers in, smiting them, if you will, with itself. One need never question the existence of Gravity, as there is evidence all around us that speaks to its presence. 

Heretical Denoucements 

Yes, you cannot see Gravity. But, neither can you see the wind, or God, yet you know that these exist, as you see the evidences for them; the feel of the wind as it knocks you over, the touch of God as he fills your life. Therefore, though science, in all it's vaunted grandeur, seeks to eliminate Gravity from the conversation, it is here to stay. “It cannot be seen, touched or measured, as the existence of God can,” they decry. Yet, we of the faith know of Gravity's presence and of its intimate involvement in our lives.

Though Science and Modernism attempt to discredit Gravity's very existence, there are a larger number who, though they believe in Gravity, call it a force of ultimate evil, “Its pull to the center of the earth is an attempt to drag you to the depths of hell.” But then, I call on them to name what is their ultimate good, for can an ultimate evil exist with no ultimate good. (Maybe it can, this is an excellent subject for a spirited comment debate. (Comment below)) Or do they call the mere absence of Gravity to be the ultimate good? If this is the case, how small is their god, one that must depart at the very suggestion of its rival.

But I proclaim a heretic any who says that hell is a place within the bowels of the earth. (Ryan Benbow) No - within the earth dwells nirvana, and Gravity is our true god, pulling us downward to perfect peace, happiness and equilibrium.

Prophetical Declarations

 Let me leave this introduction to the Gravity cult with the following thought from one of Gravity's greatest prophets – Isaac Newton, a well respected person, even within the heretical scientific community. Newton developed the Universal Law of Gravitation, which elementally states that all objects in the universe attract each other. Yes, Newton is stating that ultimately - Gravity holds the universe together. Newton had a great love and profound understanding of Gravity. Is it any wonder than, that these quotes are attributed to Newton himself?

This most beautiful [gravitational] system of the sun, planets, and comets could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being.”

And consider also this brilliant quote.

When I wrote my treatise [principia] about our [solar system], I had an eye on such principles as might work with considering men for the belief in a Deity; and nothing can rejoice me more than to find it useful for that purpose.”

There can be no doubt that Newton revered Gravity as his Deity and has urged us all to do the same.

I greatly encourage you to post your thoughts on Gravity and our worship of it this week. Comment below and hopefully, we'll be able to get a lively discussing going. Don't forget to share, like, follow and social media the heck out of us!  (We are now a religion on Facebook!)

Big shout out to Rose Nevets - for being our first official follower!  Hooray.


  1. Woo-hoo! First official follower! For once I'm ahead of the trend!

    And thoughts on gravity. Are we sure that Gravity is itself a god and not just a manifestation of a form of another god? Perhaps it is an avatar of quantum mechanics?

    1. Ooo, interesting thoughts on Gravity. Coming from my position as holy prophet and perpetrator of the faith, I would have to say, of course, Gravity is the god, and not just a glimpse of something bigger - Gravity is that something bigger, that ultimate sentient force. Which, of course, brings up another thing that may trouble some who see God as a being of some sort. Our God doesn't exist in any sort of manifested form, but is reflected in its effect on other things.

      And, you seem to trying to raise my righteous ire (for to lower it would be divinity to our great sovereign Gravity) by suggesting that Gravity arose from a science. Nay - nay I spout at your irreligious ignorance. That is like saying that the Christian God arose from our developed theology or that Satan arose as a created manifestation from a Satanists desire to do black, evil spells. No, theology arose as a way to explain the concept of God, and spells arose as a way to try to control the evil one.

      Our God was not simply created as a way to explain quantum mechanics, Gravity is the reason quantum mechanics exists in the first place!!! Oh heathenish one. I know you are playing the vacuum's advocate, so I'll excuse it this time.

    2. Ah, forgive this new convert. I bow to your superior wisdom. What then is Quantum Mechanics? For verily, does it not effect matter on an atomic scale in ways different than that of Gravity?

    3. Probably, but.... umm.... NO. In the interests of the purity of the cult, I must protest your assertion. Oh... wait. Yep, I got the prophetic call. Gravity itself told me that you are just crazy. Sorry, I wouldn't have used that word - Gravity did.

    4. *sigh* Divine Gravity has only confirmed what I myself have suspected all along. I'm crazy. I bow my head to Gravity's divine wisdom.

    5. Do you think I can obtain an official title including some form of "first crazed follower"? ;-)

  2. "I believe that gravity does exist; however, I do not recognize its deity." --Ryan (The Official Cult of the Week Heretic)

    1. Thank you Ryan, your honesty is truly appalling.

  3. So what happens when I remove myself from the gravitational pull of any nearby large-mass objects? Does this not greatly diminish gravity's power over me, allowing me to escape from its power for all practical purposes? In that case, there is something that this god cannot do, and thus gravity is no god at all.

  4. Ridiculous, gwyned, though I appreciate your dissenting opinion - it is truly refreshing.

    I started writing an answer to your questions, but it started to get a little too long, so I have decided to wrap it into the next post. Look for that sometime soon.