I do hope that you have all been singing the Gravity hymn
faithfully and that it has enriched you in your devotion to Gravity.
If you don't know the Gravity hymn, please follow this
link to the video and begin participating immediately. You can post videos of
you singing the hymn to
our YouTube channel and let us know what you think. Think of this as your duty to Gravity, which has been so faithful to you.
As faithful followers, though, please be aware that the singing of
the anthem is not optional. It is compulsory. Gravity has demanded this rite as a necessary sacrifice for all adherents; and, though
we shall not demand confession, Gravity will know whether you are
good or bad. Do not suppose that Gravity will not deign to strike
the nominal among you.
Many heathens believe that there is one indisputable law of Gravity. This is not so. Let us denote our first three rules of
Gravitism, which you, the elect and faithful are now privileged to hear.
- Thou shalt believest that Gravity exists and is the supreme
god of the week.
- Thou shaltest sing the first Gravitational hymn at least once
during the duration of the cult. (Gravity will reward you double
points for posting a video.)
- Thou shalt prostrate thyself before Gravity. The meditation of experiencing Gravity's pull will remind the weak in faith that Gravity's embrace is all encompassing. This is mandatory. (Sleep doesn't count, ye sluggards!!) Once daily you must publicly demonstrate your devotion.
Remember, the One True Prophet is the undisputed speaker of all gravitic truth, and as such, his holy rules are not to be disputed. And the Reigning Monarch is standing by with his Smiting Sword and Prod of Discipline to enforce the heck out of them.
Good – on with the meat of the post.
In Part Two of the Gravity Cult's doctrinal and expository
rantings, I would like to debunk some of the ridiculous heretical
statements made by some of our faithful followers. Hopefully, these
answers will not only show our followers to be foolish, but also
further enlighten the masses in what the worship of Gravity really is
all about.
The Epistle to Gwyned
On September 29
th, we received the following comment
from
gwyned.
gwyned is responsible for creating Gravity's one and
only hymn and for that we are ever grateful. He comments:
“So what happens when I remove myself
from the gravitational pull of any nearby large-mass objects? Does
this not greatly diminish gravity's power over me, allowing me to
escape from its power for all practical purposes? In that case,
there is something that this god cannot do, and thus gravity is no
god at all.”
Ridiculous,
gwyned, though I appreciate your dissenting opinion -
it is truly refreshing. However, I will debunk you.
You see, we are not worshiping large-mass objects. We are
worshiping gravity. Just because you move away from large-mass
objects doesn't mean that gravity disappears. Gravity is just as
present as ever. Gravity is in ALL things. You,
gwyned, have a
gravitational pull, negligible though it is; and though you have been
impertinent Gravity still dwells within you, as it does all beings.
Of course, your communing with Gravity through
beautiful song has
greatly improved Gravity's thoughts toward you.
Those of us who dwell on earth (physically) currently inhabit
three separate realms of gravity. Earth itself has a gravitational
pull on us. Earth and all of us are in the gravitational field of
the sun. And the sun and all in its sway are in the gravitational
pull of the core of the galaxy. At no point are you escaping the
power of gravity, though you run to Tarshish itself, even there will
Gravity find you.
And to bring up a minor point – because a god cannot do
something does not eliminate that entity from being a god. You can
be a god and not be omnipresent, all powerful and invincible.
gwyned, because you have contributed significantly to the cause of
Gravity, you will receive a pass for your outrageous questionings.
And it is with great pleasure and supreme grace that we bestow upon
you the title of Cult of the Week's
Worship Maestro and Conductor Magnifique. What you choose to conduct is entirely up to you, of
course. Congratulations!
The Epistle to Rose
Rose Nevets has pledged even more allegiance to Gravity by succumbing to the divine prophecy of her own derangement:
“Divine Gravity has only confirmed what
I myself have suspected all along. I'm crazy. I bow my head to
Gravity's divine wisdom.
Do you think I can obtain an official title including some form
of "first crazed follower"? ;-)”
Of course.
Rose, because of your faithful allegiance, Cult of the Week
has found favor with you. Henceforth, may you ever be known as our
official
Acolyte of Insanity. Your insane comments are always
welcome; nay, may they even be considered fodder for the ever growing
Ineffable Book of Weeks. The crazier, the better.
The Epistle to Lissajean
Another
good friend of Cult of the Week, lissajean has written:
“BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
I have known the two of you since those 'beginning' days that you so
lovingly described... Yet, it is only in the past month that I have
heard of the Cult of the Week. Is that a failing on my part, or
yours?”
Obviously yours. If you would pay a little more attention to
things, perhaps the important stuff, like Cult of the Week, wouldn't
slip through the cracks of your mistaken priorities.
“When
you stand at the end of the video, is that an act of rebellion? If
falling to the floor is an act of worship (or, perhaps in this case,
chastisement) then wouldn't the opposite follow? Also, would it be
correct to assume that the closer you are to the Earth's center of
gravity, the more 'holy' you are? Those who live in the mountains
would then be considered 'weaker' in their faith? What about
airplanes? They use all that energy to fly far above the ground...
There are so many implications!”
Actually,
lissajean, I would argue the opposite. In the
video we
were standing so that we could get closer to the earth by falling. Regardless, the difference in gravity required to stand is quite minimal. But, in general
those who seek the heights – mountains, cliffs, airplanes, even
jumping off their feet – are in actuality worshiping gravity quite
sincerely. For they are trusting that as they pull themselves up,
away from our nearest large-scale gravitational field, that Gravity
will perform its divine work on them and bring them earthward once
again. Those who travel to the reaches of space are trusting that
the same Gravity that worked in them so faithfully on earth, would do
likewise as they searched the far reaches of our universe. In the
absence of earthly Gravity, the vast bounds of Gravity become all the
more evident. Truly, the heavens declare the majesty of Gravity.
Indeed, those of us who desperately cling to the surface of our
sphere could be seeking greater knowledge of gravity, or perhaps we are very low in
faith, not trusting Gravity to work.
We'd like to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments and
questions.
I foresee at least one more blog on the glory of Gravity. This one will be particularly exciting as it will delve into a historical heresy that started the moment the worship of Gravity was mentioned - Allanistic heresy. It will also deal with the most important question we have as we worship Gravity - the end of our
faith. What it is really all about? Why worship Gravity in the
first place? What is in it for us? (Thou selfish swine.) All
these questions and more will be answered in our next blog – don't
miss it.
In Part Two of the Gravity Cult's doctrinal and expository
rantings, I would like to debunk some of the ridiculous heretical
statements made by some of our faithful followers. Hopefully, these
answers will not only show our followers to be foolish, but also
further enlighten the masses in what the worship of Gravity really is
all about.
gwyned, because you have contributed significantly to the cause of
Gravity, you will receive a pass for your outrageous questionings.
And it is with great pleasure and supreme grace that we bestow upon
you the title of Cult of the Week's Worship Maestro and Conductor Magnifique. What you choose to conduct is entirely up to you, of
course. Congratulations!
Of course. Rose, because of your faithful allegiance, Cult of the Week
has found favor with you. Henceforth, may you ever be known as our
official Acolyte of Insanity. Your insane comments are always
welcome; nay, may they even be considered fodder for the ever growing
Ineffable Book of Weeks. The crazier, the better.
